A few weeks ago while reading "Motherhood Realized" (great book), I was prompted to write my own poem or thoughts to capture a "snapshot" of my current life as a mom. It was midnight, and though my soul was reeling in the depths of motherhood, I wasn't sure if any of it would make sense the next day. I didn't care.
I just read it, and to my amazement it did make some sense so I wanted to share...
Both physical and emotional.
The pulling and tearing down of myself
to build and strengthen them up.
It pains me to look around at all the clutter that is spun in every door way, walk way....all over the floor....
then I look up at his two year old face.
I am caught in the moment of his innocent state; full of life, hope, and love - adoration for me as his Mom.
Then I'm pained again
with his reality here
that the Mom he adores
can't quite see past the lack....
It's her face, nuzzled in,
sparking eyes looking up as she nurses,
nurturing me while nurturing her.
Her hand upon my chest,
soft newborn skin pressed to mine.
In these moments the tension leaves me in the awareness of "now" and gives the tension all new meaning with purpose and value.
It is pride, joy, and fear of all that's to come in our beloved children. No one loves or understands them like we do, and so this tension weighs in to both hinder and guide, so we can help our children come alive."
One day when I am far removed from this reality and ingrained in another, I will read this and be reminded. What an amazing memory!!
Now I challenge you to do the same. What is a snapshot of your current reality as a Mom (or a Dad)? It doesnt have to be poetic. Whether shared or kept close to your heart it is so good to dig deep and allow these feelings a place in the light. I'd love to read yours if you are willing to share. Thank you for being a part of this journey with me.
Current reality as a mom... Part bewildered part in awe. Tired. But what sleep do I need when I hold her in my arms. So many I have lost, I will not take this for granted. Love, to the depths of love. I look into her eyes and I see a life that I will give everything up for. No anger can linger only longing to do this better. Parenting, a mountain that I face daily. How to win a heart and dole out grace when this 4 year old wants to conquer the world on her own terms. She wants to be funny, she wants to be loved, she wants to figure you out, but right now it is only for her own sake. I yell and think 'why am i trying to scare her right now?' I know it is wrong, but why wont she just listen? She is smart so smart - her brain accells in memory and mimicking but lacks in focus and self-control. Self-control. I lack in self-control. But today is a day I am conquering. Tomorrow I will disciple with example and my artist will twirl and I will twirl with her, my adventurer will dream and I will dream with her. I look at my darlings and see all the beauty in the world wrapped up in two little girls. They are mine and I am theirs - on this journey together we will be. Each our own, with hearts that beat as one.ReplyDelete
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