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Friday, July 17, 2015

There's no going back

"No pain no gain" took on a whole new meaning for me this month. Spent 3 weeks away from home with the kids while my husband spent some time renovating our home. There was no way he could do what he did while we lived there.

The sleepless nights, crammed in one room at my Moms with 4 little ones, at times were more than I could stand. I lived as a single Mama away from the comfort of our home for 3 long weeks. After a week, I second guessed our plan -  thought maybe it wasn't worth the sacrifice for all this. I kept saying "there's no going back." Somehow those words gave hope and sense enough to carry on with the crazy plan.

I got out of bed every morning sick with fatigue. Looked in the mirror to see a tired, weary version of myself,  and somehow purposed to make it a good day (with many mistakes along the way). All I knew or felt was the heavy burden that came with great sacrifice. I was in the trenches.  What's worse - I chose it.  What was I thinking?

It taught me a lot about myself and my kids - and about other people. It is so difficult for us to live outside of comfort.  SO difficult.  Yet in hardship, beauty is found in the most beautiful and unexplainable ways. When we are stripped of ourselves, our excuses and expectations, something great happens; self awareness. We either dodge it or face it. Man it hurts to face it. But the reward when you do; another chance to be better.

You see, I thought my leaving the home was to renew our home. Just so happens, the greatest renew and restore happened within me.

There's no going back. Thank God, cause I don't want to go back. I feel new again. Thank you "trenches" for kicking my ass. ;)