It's true. We are. All of us. Maintaining good habits and routines are already difficult to walk out for ourselves, let alone when you have 4 or more (or less) children to help guide and steer in the right way. The stresses and demands of life can suck the joy out of living. I'm tired of being overthrown by this all too busy life. But there's no turning back. I need to figure out a way to keep living with purpose and joy as the backbone. It's so easy to fall back on habitual ways of coping instead of taking charge and fighting hard.
I'm suffocating. Until now, I thought it was due to taking care of 4 children. . .now I've realized it's more due to my frustration with the way I parent and lack of ability to act out what I know is right. My "outs" have become self help books to strengthen myself as a parent, to figure out how to be their coach in every phase of childhood. That, or I get together with a friend over a drink and talk through the difficulty of motherhood. It's tough! 4 little people with big personalities, lots to say, and energy I would kill for.
The ages of my kids are 7, 4, 2, and 3 months. You can say I'm pretty busy. There is no break in the day. Night only leads to the morning of doing it all over again. The thought of another day is enough to dig myself in a hole sometimes. This is the reality people! Don't try to sugar coat it.
It is the hardest job on earth. The responsibility never leaves you. It haunts you every sleeping and wakeful moment. When they are at school, you never stop thinking about them; what are they doing? I hope they're ok. I hope they are happy. What will it be like when they come home? How do I manage and maintain their emotions when my own are enough to handle? How do I remain calm, continue to nurture, teach...meet all the different needs? They all need me at the same time - for different reasons. It is both humbling and scary as shit.
Ahhhhhh. . . .smelling the roses. . . .which is a combination of "you're screwed, stop trying to figure it out!" and "what a wonderful blessing to have and to hold children." It truly is a blessing.
To tell a mother to stop worrying is to tell mother nature to stop sending Spring. It is inevitable - all part of the cycle of living and loving the generation before us.....our children. God be with us as we guide them.
It is unlike anything I ever imagined. I'm trying to break out of the habitual patterns that affirm anxiety and fear, and instead cling to truth and hope of a better day. Ive heard that life is a dance. Well I say, life is a fight! Nothing is handed to you. Even when you're reaching for it in desperation. It will not be handed to you. You have to fight hard for it.
Well, whatever you're drinking (mines chamomile tea at the moment), Raise your glasses Mama's! Here's to fighting hard! Lets beat the shit out of guilt and shame that tell us we don't measure up or are disqualified. I quite disagree. Our children need US. No one else. Just us. The good, the bad, the beautiful, the ugly. We are good enough. Just need a little refining from time to time.
#nurturecalls
