I deleted Facebook on 01/01/2017, but I had to go back in to save these personal notes, for keepsake. Really only worth reading if you're me :)
September 24, 2011-
My Sweet Adelle
Today as I edit my baby girl's one year pics, i am allowing my heart to express how beautiful she is to me and how grateful I am to be her mother. I ADORE her.
As days go by I often wonder, "have I loved you enough today...sang with you....showed you something new, something beautiful....remembered all of your "firsts" for the day I finally sit down to record them. Will I remember each detail about your pretty little face and the way your curl your nose up when you laugh - showing that mouth full of teeth ;) . . .your sassy spunk when your toes hit the water - you have no sense that you cannot breath under water, and when you choke, it scares you only for a second but then you're right back in - with that "fat girl giggle". . . .our favorite position while you nurse and the times we've laughed (and cried) when your latch is wrong..... the way you adore your big brother, my sweet Liam. . .nothing quite "gets" you like he does. Have I appreciated every day with you and allowed your beauty to move me without being distracted?
I am still in awe that you are my baby girl. I'm so excited for you to learn about the world. YOU are excited to learn about the world. Whether I show you or not, you will certainly figure it out! :) You are a delight in every way. Even when you throw a fit while changing your diaper (or doing anything you don't want to do), I LOVE that about you. You've already been in "time-out" more than I can count, and you're finally starting to get that no matter how determined you are, Mommy has the last say. But it's ok if it takes you a little longer to get it. I understand, cause I'm just like you. You strive for knowledge and don't take anyone's word for it. I can honestly and proudly say that one day, you will know more than I. . . .and for that, I am thankful. I am thankful because I do not need to worry about someone taking advantage of you. I am thankful because you are not easily impressed before first gaining your respect - this is one of the many qualities I love about you. . .and I am thankful just to have you.
My sweet Adelle, you make my heart skip a beat. I cannot get enough of you. That hair! Those eyes! Those lashes, lips, ears, hands, EVERYTHING!! I want to swallow you up, bottle you forever, of fear that one day I just wont remember. I pray to God that day never comes. But then again, I thank Him for all the days I get to watch you grow and experience life through those big beautiful eyes of yours. The joy I feel with you is immeasurable.
And in all the ways I will fail you and fall short as your mom, please forgive me. I promise to make up for it with my unconditional love and deep passion I have to see you succeed.
Love, your Mama"
April 12, 2011
This is all new to me...losing someone so close. It's awful. Trying to imagine life without them.. . .you really realize how valuable life is - and then look at those goofy family pictures in a whole new light...all of a sudden I AM SO PROUD of who I am and where I came from. My family. :) My family is so sweet. It's changed and evolved over the years. . .whether it be a new baby or a broken relationship through divorce. . it's all part of being family and working through tough times. And yet most of us do not live our lives in such a way. We speak ill of the next family get together. . .an inconvenience. . .a waste of time. . .don't like anyone there. . .the list goes on and on. We work so hard to make money, yet neglect to MAKE TIME for those we're working so hard for. "We gotta be"..."We gotta do"..."Don't have the energy to deal with that person"..."Tomorrow would probably be better"..."Don't like their messy house"..."Don't like the way they talk to me"..."Don't like the way they talk"..."I'm not important"..."I'm a victim". . ."ME ME ME". . .basically yes, it's all about me. Anti-Christ in full fold. It's self-seeking. "What can I get from this?" And if the answer is nothing
, then it's certainly not worth your time.
That's one thing I'm learning in all of this. If you are not successful at building, loving, and supporting those that share the same blood, what business do you have doing good work outside of the family system? If the family system is falling apart, yet your activity at church or work is thriving. .. quite frankly: you have your priorities in the wrong place. Instead of saying "Shame on you!" I'd like to say "Mercy on you!" Jesus is merciful. . .meaning when we are confronted with areas in which we lack and where we fail, He says "It's ok, I forgive you...now go and make time for your family...as I have done for you." :) mmmm I love that.
I'd like to mention one thing that my Grandpa Tetro did proudly. There was no one "too good" or "not good enough" (well, let's be real - he had a hard time with people who thought highly of themselves). I remember inviting my friends over to my family get-togethers who didn't have a place to go. I was always so proud to bring them over to Grandma & Grandpa Tetro's house. . .where judgment had no place. . .only grace and acceptance. Interesting because we were hardly known as a "christian working family" and yet that was one thing Grandpa did well. . .love on people. Though, It would be untruthful for me to say that he had that down perfectly for his own family. But he did do the best that he could. And boy did he love his grand kids! He was a hurting and wounded man. As we all are. It's just getting past our own hurts and struggles that's the hard part. Once we do that, we are now FREE to love.
So the title is "Death". Didn't really mention anything about death, other than it sucks. I guess that's the point. Cause once death is in the picture it's too late.
Thanks for reading. Now go and be LOVE. Rid of hurt. Rid of self.
February 15, 2011
A birthday note to my Love. . . :)
- such a good name. When you hear it you find comfort and peace
in your heart.
to your heart: your family, your kids, your wife :), your job. . . You work so hard - in everything you do. You have your priorities straight.
Something many of us struggle to balance. There's a time for work and there's a time for play. But it is ALWAYS time for family. You make that very clear. Your kids know it. . .I know it.
You are kind, gentle, sweet, selfless, giving, humble. . .the list goes on and on. You always do the right thing. Rarely do you react out of anger or discontent. You are respected by everyone - especially me, cause I have the privilege of seeing you do everyday life. You're so good at it.
Babe I love you soooo much. You don't have to do anything. You just have me. My heart, mind, body and soul - it's all yours. Everyday. Forever. Thank you for loving me. . . AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
November 17, 2009
The End of "Passy"
Tonight we were having a conversation and I say, "Liam, passy's are for babies, aren't they." He agreeadly shakes his head so sweet. "And you're not a baby anymore are you, you're a big boy". He goes "A big boy, yup" (again shaking his head so sweetly). I continue "So maybe we just just throw it away and be all done with it" (not thinking it'd result to anything). Liam marches toward the trash and says "Throw it in trash" then runs in the living room and says "Mama, I throw in trash". . . :) "Yey!!! Liam's a big boy!!!!" Gosh he makes me so happy. So we made it a "Big Boy night" and took the side of his crib down so he can get up and down himself. He was sad when he first went to bed and asked for it, but then I reminded him that he threw it away cause he's a big boy. He started to cry, while saying "yeah, throw in trash...a big boy." Seeing him struggle with the reality made me cry. First time for little Liam to feel the heartbreak of letting go of something he cares deeply about. We snuggled in his new big boy bed for a little while and then I kissed him goodnight. So proud of that little guy.
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~ a memoir of motherhood and life