Dang. It's been a long time since I've written. Been busy with three children and I'm 29 weeks pregnant! It is a crazy life right now. Their sweet and precious ages are often clouded by the sheer chaos of all that comes with kids; mess, noise, fighting, screaming, clutter...this summer has been a tough one. Lack of routine is probably the greatest culprit of why it has not been fun. That, and I'm pregnant. The energy I wish I had to give is not present.
School starts in a couple weeks. Here we go again. Can I just say I am NOT a fan of a 3 month long summer. I don't get it. I wish like crazy our school district was year round. In our culture this long of a break does not make sense and causes more anxiety in kids and parents. Even my 6 year old says "I am not a fan of summer." At some point in childhood we grow out of this feeling, but no one says it more true than a child. Ever notice young children crave what is good for them? By this I mean routine, healthy habits, good food, etc. As we grow we learn behaviors and preferences that keep us far from reaching what's in our best interest.
Giving our children the tools to live every day successfully is the greatest gift we can give. But what if we don't have all the tools? I'm learning along with them about what it means to make every day successful. I swear I get it wrong more than I get it right. It frustrates me. Here these little inquiring minds, ready and eager to learn, are restricted because of my inability to show them the way. Maybe God created us this way so we'd have to acknowledge our need for Him. It must be. I'd like to think I can do it all on my own - but I can't. I certainly need a higher power to breathe new life and peace in my weary and tired existence.
How quickly I forget to be more concerned with BEING the example than setting it. It's more simple than I make it. I'm only remembering this as I write. As I look at all 3 of my kids (4 including my growing baby) I am overwhelmed with how to guide them. I think I need to focus more on myself, craving and doing what's good for me. This seems like a contradiction to motherhood - the most giving role in life - but you can only give what you put in, yes? As mothers I don't think we were designed to be as selfless as we were meant to be fruitful. Wow. That's powerful. I'll say it again...
As mothers we were not designed to be selfless, we were designed to be FRUITFUL.
This makes living look a lot different.
I'm going to rest in this and pray for strength to do just that. I have a long way to go.