Nothing Else Matters

A busy mind, we are stuck with. 
It takes great focus to see only what's present.

Care not about the next thing.
Press in, to this fleeting minute. 
Breathe.
Enjoy.
Let it last a little longer.
That next thing will still be there. 
This moment will soon perish.

Be present.

Just be.

Now.

B r e a t h e.

Nothing else matters. . .
Nothing else matters.

The Beautiful Balance of Relationship

I write this after an exhausting week of sickness in our home. Sick and weary Mommy and Daddy taking care of 3 sick kids and a nursing babe; whose needs have sucked us dry. We have survived a very hard week; stripped of sleep... stripped of any affirmation that would say "thank you, you are doing a good job". . .stripped of laughter and that sense of happiness...

We have survived.

In these moments,  everything seems a little darker. "Seems" is key. The truth in my mind has me weigh in on all the ways I am not wanted or that I am not good enough. In these moments, truth has to be sought outside of myself. Sometimes it comes from an encouraging friend or family member. But sometimes it doesn't come - and sometimes the darker corners of truth are highlighted when someone I love is insulting, or is simply absent on a daily basis.

It is in these moments I cling to the truth of my Creator, Who knows me inside and out, while hoping to be reminded by those I love, that I am wanted... no matter what.

I hope to be wanted in every day - when it looks messy or when nothing "special" is happening. I hope to be thought of in the mundane; when for no other reason than the thought of me, caused them to reach out.

I write, because we ALL want this.

It is so important for family to come along side each other equally when it's good and bad. If we give too much attention when things go wrong, or only when things go well, we make the person feel out of balance in our support. It starts to feel conditional.  Unconsciously the person ends up striving for approval in the less affirmed areas.

Relationship should be a beautiful balance adjusting to the cycle of life. It is the sun and clouds enhancing in nature what is needed to survive. Relationship is fluid. It moves with the seasons of hardship and grief and flows toward hope and happiness.  

We are all needed in our intimate circles of family and friends through every difficult, wonderful, and mundane happening.

I desire this for myself.  I desire this for you. I desire this greatest for my husband and kids. God desires it equally for all.

"God. . .

Help us to walk in balance with You and with each other.  Impress upon us the beautiful balance of relationship You created for family and friendship. What does this look like day to day for each of us? Help us to discern who's "bucket to fill". Give us strength to see outside of our own needs to make choices for the greater good. Help us tune in to the lives before us, in arms length, who need to be reminded that they are wanted.

Please speak to us.

We are listening."

#nurturecalls

Be Fruitful - Not Selfless

Dang. It's been a long time since I've written. Been busy with three children and I'm 29 weeks pregnant! It is a crazy life right now. Their sweet and precious ages are often clouded by the sheer chaos of all that comes with kids; mess, noise, fighting, screaming, clutter...this summer has been a tough one. Lack of routine is probably the greatest culprit of why it has not been fun. That, and I'm pregnant. The energy I wish I had to give is not present.

School starts in a couple weeks. Here we go again. Can I just say I am NOT a fan of a 3 month long summer. I don't get it. I wish like crazy our school district was year round. In our culture this long of a break does not make sense and causes more anxiety in kids and parents. Even my 6 year old says "I am not a fan of summer." At some point in childhood we grow out of this feeling, but no one says it more true than a child. Ever notice young children crave what is good for them? By this I mean routine, healthy habits, good food, etc. As we grow we learn behaviors and preferences that keep us far from reaching what's in our best interest.

Giving our children the tools to live every day successfully is the greatest gift we can give. But what if we don't have all the tools? I'm learning along with them about what it means to make every day successful. I swear I get it wrong more than I get it right. It frustrates me. Here these little inquiring minds, ready and eager to learn, are restricted because of my inability to show them the way. Maybe God created us this way so we'd have to acknowledge our need for Him. It must be. I'd like to think I can do it all on my own - but I can't. I certainly need a higher power to breathe new life and peace in my weary and tired existence.

How quickly I forget to be more concerned with BEING the example than setting it. It's more simple than I make it. I'm only remembering this as I write. As I look at all 3 of my kids (4 including my growing baby) I am overwhelmed with how to guide them. I think I need to focus more on myself, craving and doing what's good for me. This seems like a contradiction to motherhood - the most giving role in life - but you can only give what you put in, yes? As mothers I don't think we were designed to be as selfless as we were meant to be fruitful. Wow. That's powerful. I'll say it again...

As mothers we were not designed to be selfless, we were designed to be FRUITFUL. 

This makes living look a lot different.

I'm going to rest in this and pray for strength to do just that. I have a long way to go.

At odds with mundane

"Be who you want to be when no one else is around, so when they do come around you're proud of who you've become."

This came to me today as there is everything I'd rather do than the task of keeping up on my home. It's a daily struggle for me to remove that ugly, heavy feeling from the task at hand; a deep pit of contempt. How silly really. It's just a task of doing what's necessary. It shouldn't feel so hard. As a matter of fact I shouldn't feel anything other than a mild "eh." It's no different than having to take a shower - it simply needs to get done.

I'm a creative in nature which means I'm spontaneous and struggle to keep routine, unless of course there is something driving me to do it. Thank God for my children because they have become a driving force.

I have really good days and really bad ones. Extremism is the result of perfectionism. My husband and I laugh at each other because when we do something, it's either all the way or not at all. We are both cursed with this. It's good on one hand because we have an understanding for each other and when it's time to buckle down we do it intensely; but bad on the other because we both struggle to stop at "good enough."  Imagine life in the Kiewiet home...Ha!

I've been reading The House That Cleans Itself (if only) and it's been really good. The selling factor for me is that it's about changing your home to comply with your behavior, rather than changing your behavior to comply with your home. I also keep up with flylady.net. It's a good website to help you gain control of your home and schedule, and really annoying with all the email reminders - there's no getting away from it!! :)

#nurturecalls #workinprogress

The great man next to me

He is often saddened that he cannot provide more for me. More in the sense of money, experiences. . .things. . .

What he provides for me far outweighs anything that is seen. No one gets to applaud him for it as it's done in secret, every single day. It is his time - his attentiveness to my emotional status. Each day he lays next to me, weary, yet thankful for a full day of work and little play. If I'm sad or excited about something he will sit, listen and be with me no matter what the conversation brings.

There is nothing I want more than what he already gives. Each day is a gift to have each other; to lean on, to listen, to be with in those insignificant moments that bring strength, comfort and security without us knowing. 

I cherish every dull and exciting moment with him. We have become hermits, satisfied in our love for each other. We are very out of touch with the real world these days, but never more in touch with each other. We are no longer ok when a week goes by without having a moment to ourselves. I love that. There is nothing I want to experience without him. He proves to me time and time again that I am valuable. Even when I'm not so pleasant, attractive or charming, his interest in me never wavers. He takes me for all that I am and loves me in spite of all that I'm not. And I love him all the same. 

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

So my love. . . on the days you wish you could do more, please remember: I would much rather you than anything money could buy - or the surprises that could be. I trust and respect you more than anyone in this world. Any adventure we may take in the future does not make us "more" - the goodness we share in every day life is already as good as it gets - and it's wonderful.

Even in our differences we have the freedom to be ourselves. There is no pressure to be anyone different. That is the greatest gift of all. I love you Ben. YOU are the greatest gift.

Let it be enough

Whatever comes from the heart, let it be enough. 

Someone will always package a similar gesture in a prettier box. It's inevitable. Rest in who you are and the extensions from you. No one can do what you do in the way you do it. It may not be the loudest or the prettiest - but it is original, authentic.

At the end of the day when glamour fades, authenticity remains.

#nurturecalls

the marriage struggle

It's black.
For a reason.
No picture could contain -
we lived a week separate from each other, once again.

Craving love,
Understanding,
A warm greeting that was true.
No other opinion do I hold so dear, in my heart, than what comes from you.

I bitch.
I scold.
I affirm a lie
That anyone is more important than you in my life.

Not one.
Not my mothers, my fathers or child.
It's you.
Only you, I hope to come alive.

In this knowing,
Ever-loving,
the person I have become.
For you chose me
You chose me
To be the one.

All this hopeless
In wondering
if you'd choose me again.
You chose me
You chose me
To be your cover.

And I choose you.
I choose you.
Every day
You're my lover.

I'd choose you,
I'd choose you,
again and again.

I'd choose you,
I'd choose you,
again and again.

copyright Kaley Kiewiet
#nurturecalls